Oct. 21, 1918
You know there is a rule over here allowing each soldier of the American Expeditionary Forces a coupon to send to his folks so they can send him a Christmas present, so I got mine tonight and am sending it to you. I don't know. You see, the package can only be a little bigger than an ordinary brick so I don't know what you could get in that kind of a package. You know the first thing most people will think of sending will be something to eat. That would be very acceptable, some good old home cooked grub, but maybe when it gets here it will be spoiled and then his Xmas present would be kibosh. So if you send eats, better make it something that can stand a very damp climate for at least three weeks. The ocean is a pretty damp place and this country is no better. I've tracked around in mud and rain until I'm getting web footed now. Say, you might slip in a fair sized twist of old Hillside, ha! Yes! Say, don't send any smokes. I've done quit the habit and swore I'd never smoke again, so don't tempt me that way. Ha! Ha!
If Ira sent my glasses, might slip them in if you care to and any other thing you want to send that you think Robinson Crusoe would have needed right bad. Only don't send any gunpowder cause I'm not short on that. Ha! Ha! You might send me a sunbeam about the size of a dime. I'd like to see how one looked once, and I'll take it with me next time I start through the Co. street. Maybe I won't run over any more of Uncle Sam's auto trucks like I did Saturday night. She really gets dark here, believe your uncle. Ha! Ha!
Say, if you've butchered yet this year, send me over some of the brains, cause I need them, ha! Yes, and the gall, too. I want to ask the Captain for an 8 day leave. You might put in some bristles, too, because I gotta have something to hold to if that old ship cuts up coming back like it did coming over. Don't send the squeal for the Kaiser's going to do enough of that. Yes, and the whistle, too, because I lost mine since I learned to smile, ha! Ha! Well, laugh now and get it all over your face. As ever,
P.S. Wrap stamps in parafin paper in your next letter. Wrap a quarters worth of 1 cent stamps. Will send you a few copies of Stars & Stripes.